For Paabi

Kirtana

If I have pictures in my head
they are of these:
Billal, the day Kuki left for America
Resting by the lake in Devarayanadurga
Zui at three in Kodai: Did Sneha wear a bra?
Bringing flowers backstage.
Time after time.
And…..
But you said yesterday that we were to leave the past be
And I thought how in the present you are while we sift through dusty fragments that stir memories
Of how you sit in the blue chair, Thatha’s Chair, and leave scribblings of math on all the newspaper columns.
Of how you tease the idea of Savitri,
work it in, work it out.
Argue, wonder, wish, ponder.
And it is a lovely dream, isn’t it?
As is every moment we spent drinking vodka at Koshy’s hearing sounds of love
As is listening to Kuki play Sneha and not breathing for the acting beauty of it
As is Nanu’s arms around you, kissing your head
As is you and Zui holding hands, walking through geese and horses
Knowing the sun will set and will rise.
It’s uncanny.
Every breath we take resonant with your love-energy,
Tenderness and sure knowledge that life? times are easy. Fun even.
And you made it so for us.
So we can’t easily leave it be.
Remember?
If all time is eternally present
All time is unredeemable.
So the colours you painted,
The fabric you wove
The songs your heart sings
Touch us beyond time.
It’s true.
Time present and time past
Are both indeed present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
Is it ok to say thank you
For futures unknown?